Wednesday, June 20, 2012

"Blood Bowl": Revenge Is A Dish Best Served By People Who Live Where It's Cold


After my Human team came away with a convincing win against Dean's Norse in Blood Bowl, I received the following email from Andrew later that same evening:

"Your win screwed me.  It looks like the only way for me to overtake you and make it into the playoffs is to have you lose your last game and have my Orcs win their game.  Keep one thing in mind: if you make it into the playoffs as it looks like you will do; you can’t hire Star Players."

The next day Andrew sent a revised chart with the current standings:

Cyclops Death Horde
Team Name
Wins
Losses
Ties
Points
TD For
TD Against
Differential
Aesgoth Hammers
3
1

6
11
4
7
Galadrian Guardians
1
1
3
5
5
4
1
Living Dead
2
3
1
5
6
11
-5
Regal Beatsticks
1
2
2
4
5
8
-3

"There are 4 games remaining in the regular season:

Aesgoth Hammers (Norse) vs Galadrian Guardians (Humans)
Black Forrest Hams (Halflings) vs Kord's Killers (Orcs)
Rivendell Ruffians (Elves) vs Black Forrest Hams (Halflings)
Regal Beatsticks (Orcs) vs Aesgoth Hammers (Norse)

In the Cyclops Death Horde Division (what the fuck was I smoking when I named the divisions?) the Hammers have the first seed locked up.  Galadrian Guardians currently hold the second seed.  If the Regal Beatsticks win against the Hammers then they will move ahead of the Guardians and take their playoff spot.

Things are heating up."

Two days before I was set to rematch against the Hammers, I received another communique from Andrew, this time with my Inducement options...

"The Hammers are going into Wednesday's game without Star Guard Lineman Lars.

Player Commentary: Lars actually played in this game so I assume that Andrew was actually referring to Lanni.  

"Without him their team value is 1770 and the Guardians are at 1260

Dave - you have 510k to work with.

I’d probably go with Morg + Bloodweiser Babe

Or

Griff Oberwald +Wizard or Mercs

Or

Mighty Zug + Wizard + Re-Roll/Apothecary

Hard to beat Morg but Griff and Zug are both really good.  What am I saying? I want you to lose!  You should hire Puggy Baconbreath and dump the rest of the cash 'cuz you don’t need it.  Puggy with your Ogre is a one-turn score option.  Not to mention: how many 'Flings do you know with 3 strength?"

Ummmmm...oooo-kay.

For some reason I wasn't feeling quite so lucky with this rematch.  After making sure that I could retain an extra Apothecary, I let Andrew know that I was going with Option 4.

Then, on Wednesday June 6'th, this highly anticipated rematch took place!

Aesgoth Hammers (Dean's Norse) vs. Galadrian Guardians (My Humans)

Weather

Roll 11: Pouring Rain (-1 modifier to all catch, intercept and pick-up rolls.  Yay!)

Fan Factor Roll 
Dean: 9 + 9 = 18
Me:  9 + 3 = 12
Dean got Fame +1.  I scored $12,000 for my Gate Earnings and Dean snagged $18,000.  

Kick/Receiving Roll
Dean rolled 4 and I got a 1.  Dean forces me to kick to him.



FIRST HALF

Scatter
With a 2 for direction and a 4 for range, my kick went deep, slicing off to the right.  

Kick Off Table
A roll of 7 signaled "Changing Weather" but with a follow-up toss of 11 the rain continued to pour down!  

Dean's Turn One 

Balsar the Thrower used "Kick Return" to move three spaces closer to where the ball came down.  He failed to conjure up a 3+ and without "Sure Hands", he was forced to burn a Re-Roll.  Unfortunately,  this also turned up a "1"!  Right off the bat it appeared as if Dean's horrendous luck from the last game was continuing!    

My Turn One 

After adding some additional support on the line of scrimmage, I chose to surround the ball versus going straight for the pick up.  After a weeny Push result on my sole Blitz, the rusher found himself out of movement and mired in a Tackle Zone.  Mighty Zug moved up four spaces to lend an assist.  I couldn't follow up on a late-turn Push against Lars the Lineman since he had the ultra-annoying "Fend" skill.  

Dean's Turn Two 

Dean pulled back anyone who wasn't tied up in a Tackle Zone.  As he began a stunning demonstration of dexterous Dodgery, I kicked myself for not picking up the ball.  After casting his third "1" in a row, Dean's Re-Roll proved kinder.  After scooping up the ball on his first attempt, he nimbly extricated himself from my zone of control.  In order to improve his odds for a successful pass, Dean tried "Going For It" once but rolled - you guessed it - another 1.  His rusher went down in a heap and with an Injury Roll of 34 he was out for the rest of the game!  

My Turn Two
                
My initial Push did little to clear a path to the ball.  After adding an Assist, I finally leveled a solid Block and Stunned one of Dean's defenders.  I tried to swarm my opponents with Zug and another Blitzer, which gave Solonius Myrmidon a chance to recover the ball.  Unfortunately, between Dean's numerous Tackle Zones and the shite weather, I needed to roll a "6" and got a "1" instead.  The ball Scattered back towards my end zone.  Since my Thrower was still one Movement point shy of the pig (?) skin I dropped a few late hits to try and knock down some of Dean's players.  A Zug-assisted 2-die Block by my Ogre on Dean's Snow Troll turned up a Skull and "Both Down" result.  Immediately I cursed Dean for talking me out of using a Re-Roll, since the subsequent Injury check broke my Ogre's armor and saw him carried off the pitch!  Worse still, my Casualty Roll of 61 threatened DEATH so I had to use one of my Apothecaries to re-roll.  Mercifully, the follow-up of 24 just put him in traction for the balance of the game.  This would prove to be an omen for things to come.


Dean's Turn Three     

To create some room to maneuver, Dean Pushed, Knocked Down and then Stunned one of my players with a Frenzied Blitzer.  His downed Snow Troll leapt up and tried to Blitz Zug with one die.  With an "Attacker Down" result, Dean Re-Rolled and scored a considerably better "Push".  He followed this up with a ballsy two-die uphill Block.  The resulting Push continued to clear a path to the ball.  After moving some additional muscle into the scrum, he leveled a premium two-die Block on another one of my defenders.  This knocked him into the ball space, which scattered no less then six times before one of my players picked it up after rolling a "6"!


My Turn Three

Zug attempted a two-die Blitz on one of Dean's minions but only managed a Push.  This failed to free up any wiggle room, making any future maneuvers insanely risky.  Between a Tackle Zone, the crap weather and the Disturbing Presence of Sakarias the Snow Troll, I needed to roll a "6" to hand the ball off to one of my Blitzers.  Needless to say, both the initial attempt and my Re-Roll failed miserably and  the ball scattered another four times before landing in an empty space!

Dean's Turn Four   

With a Guard assist from the Snow Troll, Boe the Blitzer attempted to clothesline Lineman Slayde Darkwell.  Although the initial hit was a Push, the follow-up Frenzy attack scored a "Defender Stumbles" result.  Since Slayde doesn't have the Dodge skill, he went down in a heap!  Two more Frenzy-fueled double-die Blocks served up a flurry of Pushes.  Exploiting his superior numbers, Dean dropped another of my players with an advantageous Block.  Having carved out a clear path to the ball, Baldur the Thrower moved up five spaces and then tried to recover the ball.  He nabbed it on the Sure Hands re-roll, moved one more space and then "Went For It" once to facilitate a Hand Off.  This succeeded on a Re-Roll and the rusher wasted no time hauling ass seven spaces down field.  In a final play, Lineman Lars exploited an assist by flattening one of my defenders. 

My Turn Four                

Three of my horizontal players shakily got to their feet.  In an effort to surround Dean's rusher, I managed to Dodge Collwyn my Thrower out of a web of Tackle Zones.  Blitzer Giden Fletcher failed on his first attempt to do the same, but the crisis was averted by spending a Re-Roll.  The resulting two-die Blitz bowled over the rusher and the ball bounced one space closer to center field.  Gideon used his last Movement Allowance point to try and collect the ball, but I borked the roll.  Mercifully, the ol' pigskin bounced back to Collwyn, who managed to get a grip on it.  Unfortunately since he'd already moved that turn, all I could do was try and protect him.  Very unfortunately, Zug "Skulled Out" on a one-die Block, leaving my poor Thrower high n' dry.

Dean's Turn Five      

Dean's luck may have been shaky at first, but by now the dice were taking his requests.  He pasted a player of mine with a one-die "Defender Stumbles" result.  He pulled another one of his minions back to flank my Thrower, scoring a successful "Go For It" once.  With the foreplay dispensed with, Birger "Jumped Up" and bowled over my Thrower with barely any effort.  The ball scattered to a free space and the Blitzer attempted to duck n' weave onto the ball.  The first roll tanked but since Birger had the Dodge skill, Dean got to re-roll, successfully this time.  The subsequent pick-up check worked flawlessly so Birger was able to run it in for the first touchdown of the game!

Player's NoteThis would have been the best possible opportunity to use the Wizard's "Fireball" spell but I'd already forgotten that I'd purchased it.  This was one of several glaring fuck-ups I made during this game.




Dean's Kick-off roll scored "Cheering Fans" giving the putz an extra Re-Roll!  

  My Turn Five


Dean inadvertently kicked the ball directly into my line of scrimmage.  Since this was considered an "Inaccurate Pass" I needed to roll a 4, 5, or 6 to catch it but the crap weather reduced this to a 5 or a 6.  I rolled a "3" so it scattered ahead, giving one of my front-line defenders a chance to pick it up.  Unfortunately, due to Dean's gauntlet of Tackle Zones, I now needed a 6!  I rolled a "5" and the ball finally came to rest in a free space.  My Thrower moved four spaces, grabbed the pill, moved two more spaces, "Went For It" twice and then hurled the ball for a "Quick Pass".  My 3+ roll worked as did the 4+ roll required to catch it.  Now armed with the ball, my rusher quickly sought refuge in a makeshift cage.  I then chose to perform a few defensive hits, the first Stunned Lineman Lars but I couldn't follow up due to his stupid "Fend" ability.  Zug and Erik of Heldmark teamed up to drop an Ulfwerner like a bad habit.  

Dean's Turn Six

Dean kicked things off with a stellar two-die Block, stunning one of my defenders.  He then expended a six-point Movement Allowance to call in a re-enforcement from the flanks.  This set up another two-die Block on one of my Blitzers, but they just ended up butting heads after Dean rolled "Both Down".  Although this seemed to foil Dean's plans somewhat, he managed to assuage his disappointment by felling another member of my roster with a two-die Block.  This freed up Sakarias the Snow Troll for a high-profile Blitz, but ended up "just standing there and playing with his wiener" after failing his "Wild Animal" check.  A pair of double-die Blocks resulted in two Pushes while a couple of single-die gambits produced an ineffectual "Both Down" result and another Push.  After lamenting that he did things out of order, Dean was now facing a two die uphill Block in order to bust up my drive.  Naturally I picked yet another completely moot "Both Down" result instead of "Defender Stumbles".  In a last minute decision, Dean threw a one-die Block with Lasu the Lineman, rolled a Skull and got him knocked the fucks out for the rest of the game, giving Gailen Huntsman "credit" for the Casualty.                                  

My Turn Six

My first two-die Block of the turn was a Double-Skull.  I Re-Rolled it, this time scoring a Knock Down.  Tyrian Silvershield maneuvered seven spaces to try and re-constitute something which vaguely resembled a cage.  Zug plowed one of Dean's Ulfwerners (and not in a good way).  Another successful two die Block continued to clear a lane for my rushers.  I moved a Lineman six spaces to try and gum up Dean's mobility.

Dean's Turn Seven     

Birger expertly dodged out of my sphere of influence and moved six spaces in an effort to stall my progress down field.  Boe "Jumped Up" and attempted to Dodge out of my tackle zones.  Given the Blitzer's unearthly Agility of 5, this was pretty much a foregone conclusion.  Boe moved three spaces and followed through on a nasty tackle, scoring a "Defender Stumbles" result which put my guy in the dirt.  To get ahead of the pack he managed to successfully Dodge out yet again.  After finally clearing the "Wild Animal" test,  Dean's Snow Troll smoked the closest Lineman with a "Defender Stumbles" result.  An Ulfwerner's two die Block initially resulted in a simple Push but the follow-up Frenzy felled his quarry in the end.



My Turn Seven                           

One of my unimpeded Linemen moved four spaces to get all up in Dean's bidness.  Two knocked down players stood up.  4-Strength Lineman Erik of Heldmark and one of his peers both dropped two-die Blocks but only succeeded at shoving their opponent around the field.  This severely curtailed my mobility, forcing one of my players to Dodge.  I needed a 3+ and rolled a "3", springing him from his invisible prison and allowing me to spend two Movement Allowance points to follow through on a Blitz.  I re-rolled the initial Double-Skulls and got a much more palatable "Defender Down" result.  I moved one more space, collected the ball and then moved four more.  In a misguided effort to distance my breakout Blitzer from Dean's forces I decided to press my luck by "Going For It".  First I rolled a "5".  Okay.  Great.  Awesome.  Then I rolled a fucking "1" and found myself sucking turf just one space shy of the End Zone (which is precisely where the ball ended up landing).  To add insult to injury, my Blitzer was Knocked Out by the face plant.            

Player's Commentary: Without a Re-Roll to spend, this was pure folly on my part.  Having said that, I only had one turn left to score and I was terrified that Dean would just end up swarming me on his next turn.  

Dean's Turn Eight             

The inhumanly agile Boe Dodged out of light coverage, moved six spaces, "Went For It" once, hooked a cable knit sweater, taught a squirrel how to play chess, picked up the ball, "Went For It" a second time and then fired a Accurate pass at Short Range that was easily reeled in by Cato!  The Catcher then used his Dodge ability to re-roll, ducking and weaving seven spaces past my shell-shocked Guardians.  Sakarias failed his Wild Animal roll (again).  Not willing to jeopardize the safety of his players on a bunch of risky one-die Blocks, Dean called a premature end to his turn.

My Turn Eight

Knowing that I had no way to score in one turn, I moved one of my players up to re-enforce a prospective hit.  I Dodged a unit out on a roll of "6" but the resulting Blitz conjured up two pointless "Both Down" results.  Since my Blitzer didn't have "Dodge" he went down like a sack of wet newspapers and was carried off the pitch as a Casualty.  

Half-Time Score

Aesgoth Hammers 1 Galadrian Guardians 0

SECOND HALF

My Knocked-Out Blitzer remained in traction.  Fucksticks.

 Scatter
With a directional roll of 6 and a drift of 3, Dean's second boot was identical to the kick off at the start of the game! 

Kick-Off Table
With a 9, Dean rolls up a "Quick Snap".  I got a chance to move all of my players not impeded by Tackle Zones by one square!  

My Turn One

I retrieved the ball, moved two spaces and attempted a Hand Off to one of my Linemen, nailing it on a roll of "6".  He then moved six spaces into a formative cage.  My waning manpower was beginning to factor in, since I could only find one advantageous Block against Lars.  I managed to put him down but my Spider-Sense immediately started tingling after Dean opted not to use the Lineman's Fend ability (presumably to lure my player into a Snow Troll-powered trap).  Finally, I attempted a desperate one-die Block but the "Both Down" result proved inconclusive amongst the two Blitzers.  

Dean's Turn One

Dean started his turn with an innocent Push and followed this up by stripping my Lineman of the ball.    Star Blitzer Boe then did a flawless Neo impersonation by acquitting himself from a Tackle Zone, moving two spaces, cleanly avoiding yet another hit and then using his Dodge skill to try and snag the ball.  Unfortunately, he boggled the thing and it popped out right next to me.  

My Turn Two    

I also began my turn with a Push on a two-die-Block.  One of my rushers surged ahead three space and tried to steal away with the ball, failing at first but winning it on the Re-Roll.  He then moved three more spaces amongst a loose cluster of bodyguards.  I managed to ferret out another advantageous Block and knocked down another enemy.  Finally I came up with a Push and a stand-off on two grasping-at-straws single-die Blocks.  Sensing that I was flirting with disaster, I wisely decided to put this anemic turn out of its misery.  

Dean's Turn Two  

Birger the Blitzer charged eight spaces (successfully "Going For It" twice) in an effort to take down Lineman Slayde Darkwell.  Unwilling to settle for the standoff proposed by his one-die "Both Down" result, Dean spent a Re-Roll and got "Defender Down", which was more to his liking.  The ball bounced back to Birger but it proved to be slipperier then Saturday's soap.  It settled on the ground close to my rushers.  Rather then make another Dodgy play for it, Dean settled on a two-die Block which worked out well.  My sprawling player landed in the space with the ball, which scattered around six times before finally coming to rest on a free space.  Without any more options, Dean Dodged a Blitzer out, moved six spaces, "Went for It" once to get to the ball, but then flubbed his 3+ pick-up roll.  Without a Re-Roll, the ball merrily went bounding away to another free space.  

My Turn Three

I dispatched a re-enforcement from the flanks to try and retrieve the ball.  My first attempt on 5+ failed, but the Re-Roll was money.  Sadly, with no Movement points left I was all balled up with no place to go.  I attempted to give myself some breathing room with a two-die Block but got yet another furshlugginer double-Push.  To compensate, I pulled a Blitzer in seven spaces to act as a escort.  

Dean's Turn Three    

Dean continued to use his superior numbers against me, but his first two-die Block only resulted in a love-shove.  Kjelli, the Hammer's answer to The Flash, ran back seven spaces and delivered a one-die Blitz which laid out the ball carrier.  Another two-die Block Stunned Lineman Thorn Morrow.  In order to retrieve the ball, Baldur the Thrower burned a Re-Roll to successfully "Go For It".  After moving five spaces, he tried to grab the ball but failed, even on the "Sure Hands" re-roll.  The ball scattered out to a free space, signifying the end to Dean's turn.

My Turn Four

I managed to render Kjelli the Runner unconscious on a one-die Block.  One of my players "Went For It" once to Blitz Lars the Lineman, Pushing him back.  I then "Skulled Out" on another one-die Block, making for an abbreviated turn.  

Dean's Turn Four           

Dean charged right out of the gate, moving six spaces to bowl over Martin Aurelian with a Blitz.  This set up a nice two-die "Defender Stumbles" Block which felled another one of my Dodge-deprived players.  Now with a clear avenue to the ball, Baldur the Thrower performed a sexy shuck and jive to get onto the ball space.  He promptly picked it up and hustled his maximum six spaces towards my End Zone.  While trying to give the ball carrier an escort, Cato the Catcher failed to clear one of my Tackle Zones and went down in a heap of furry boots, horned helms and nipples.  

My Turn Five  

One of my downed Lineman crawled to his feet and limped adjacent to Baldur.  In order to set up a Blitz, I managed to put Boe on his Nordic ass.  The following double-die charge became a bust when I rolled a Skull and a "Both Down" result.  As a consolation prize, Zug sent Lineman Lars a-flyin'.  In a desperate effort to throw more obstacles in front of Dean's inexorable progress down field, I risked a bone-headed Dodge which failed miserably.  

Dean's Turn Five  

A prone player shakily swayed onto his feet.  Dean used an advantageous Block to Push one of two impediments away from the ball carrier.  Boe "Jumped Up" for free, charged five spaces and easily knocked away my final obstacle.  Baldur then ran the ball in for an easy touchdown!  


Player's Commentary: Literally a minute after this photo was taken, I finally remembered that I had the fucking Wizard and his "Lightning Bolt" spell.  Unbelievable.  Since I'd never used this Inducement before I really could have used a Wizard figure to serve as a visual reminder that this resource was available to me.  

***

Neither of our Knocked Out players came back into the game.  

 Scatter
Dean used his Kick skill to place the ball just behind my Thrower and off to the right.  

Kick Off Table
An initial roll of  7 meant "Changing Weather" and the follow-up of "5" indicated "Perfect Blood Bowl Weather".  Yay, just in time for the end of the game!  




My Turn Six

I decided to piss the Wizard away by randomly casting Lightning Bolt on Alcid, Dean's Ulfwerner, who was just standing around minding his own business guarding the right wide zone.  I was crushed when all it did was knock him on his ass for a second!  What kind of weak-sauce Lightning Bolt was that?!?!  Thrower Valarius moved six spaces into the beginnings of a makeshift cage.  Collwyn back-tracked, picked up the ball, moved six spaces, heaved it accurately with a roll of "4" and Valarius reeled it in on a roll of "6".  

Dean's Turn Seven

Dean failed to roll a 3+ while Blitzing into my cage, but the Re-Roll worked perfectly.  Since Collwyn didn't have the Dodge skill, the single-die "Defender Stumbles" Block knocked him down.  The ball popped back to another one of my players, but I couldn't hold onto it.  It landed amidst a cluster of my players.  To ensue that I couldn't take advantage of this small blessing, Dean Knocked Down two of my players and then proceeded to butt heads with Zug.         

My Turn Seven

I stood everyone up that Dean had just knocked flat.  I then threw an effective two-die Block, Knocking Out my victim.  My Blitz yielded another measly Push but the triumphant rusher fulfilled his primary mission of forming a post in a re-constituted cage.  Thrower Collwyn moved four spaces, goofed the first pick up attempt, nailed it on the second try with Sure Hands and and then moved two more spaces while entrenched in an unconventional-looking human shelter.  A last-minute two die Block against Lars the Lineman resulted in Yet Another Friggin' Push.    



Dean's Turn Eight

Dean's Ulfwerner moved five and Blitzed Solonius Myrmidon, Pushing him on the initial hit and then cutting him down on the Frenzied follow-up.  Another two-die Block Stunned one of my few upright defenders.  Dean finally made his Snow Troll's "Wild Animal" roll and Stunned the Mighty Zug.  A series of three more two-die Blocks made ruin of my understaffed drive.  

My Turn Eight    

After realizing that there was no possible way for me to score in one turn, Dean offered a concession which I heartily agreed to.




Final Score

Aesgoth Hammers 2   Galadrian Guardians 0

***

MVP Award / Level Ups   

"Mad" Martigan snagged my MVP award while Lasu the Lineman got the nod for the Hammers.  Lasu Leveled Up and Dean graced him the valuable (not to mention annoying) "Fend" ability.  With two pass completions, Thrower Collwyn of Cressida also Leveled Up!  Tyrian Silvershield notched two Casualties but he was still one point shy of his goal.   

Winnings

I rolled a 6 for a total of 60,000 gold pieces!  Dean got 10,000 for his Fame, 10,000 for the win and then diced up a two for a total of 40,000.  Spiraling Expenses dropped this to a final total of 20,000.  Despite losing the game I made three times the amount of money Dean made on the match!  Ah, the wacky world of Blood Bowl.          

Fan Factor  

I rolled over my current Fan Factor so it didn't drop.  Dean rolled under his Fan Factor so it went back up to 10.  

***

Post-Game Commentary

Dean:  "I had better luck that time."  
Me: "The loss of the ogre (was) crippling."
Dean: "That killed you.  That and (losing) your 4 Strength guy.  That was murder."    

Yes, the loss of Torgg and Erik certainly hurt, but it's my lagging development as a Blood Bowl player that ultimately cost me the game.  The fact that I didn't use the Wizard to prevent one of Dean's Touchdowns was bad, but "Going For It" while still one space away from Dean's End Zone was completely unforgivable.  

This session report goes to shows just how deep this game is.  Whereas most of my Blood Bowl experience comes from playing against the shamefully deficient A.I. of the X-Box game, Dean and Andrew have played a lot more games against one another.  Needless to say, both of them are considerably stronger players for this.  

When Luck doesn't play a significant factor (such as Dean's hideous dice-rolling in the last game) the player who absorbs the subtlety of the rules, brushes up on strategy, maximizes their player skills and takes advantage of their opponent's weaknesses will usually prove victorious.    



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