"Twilight Imperium": Phoenix, Pariah, Conqueror, King

Last Wednesday night we finally had a chance to finish up our first complete game of Twilight Imperium.  I'm happy to report that we suceeded in this noble goal.

Sort of.   

The great thing about running an epic game like this over the course of several weeks is that you don't have to do a rule book crash course every time you sit down to play.  You can just pick up from where you left off and jump right back in! 

For those of you who've been following along at home, last time we left off on a bit of a cliffhanger.  Dean was trying to consolidate his corner of the galaxy with a predatory eye on Twilight Imperium's answer to Coruscant.  Despite Chad's military might, he was having a rough time stamping out pockets of uncooperative rebels.  The lion's share of my navy got nuked after I drunkenly marched them off into uncharted space.  Then, in a major twist, Andrew barricaded himself alone inside the galactic equivalent of Fort Knox by sealing the vault door with a supernova.   

Should you require a slightly less esoteric recap, you can find Part One by enclickifying this link and Part Two roit 'ere. 

 Players & Their Races

Me...Naalu Collective (Blue)
Andrew...Embers of Muaat (Orange)
Dean...Mentak Coalition (Purple)
Chad...L1Z1X Mindnet (Yellow)

ROUND FOUR

Strategy Card Selection

Me...Production & Warfare

Dean...Leadership & Bureaucracy

Chad...Assembly & Diplomacy

Andrew...Technology & Trade

With half of my fleet reduced to atoms, I decided that a defensive posture might be prudent.  Via a Movement Action I backed my Flagship, Merc and Fighters away from Andrew's beefy-looking fleet.   

Clearly incensed, Dean punished Andrew for daring to employ "stradgedy" by playing "Local Unrest" and killing most of his troops on Sem-Lor.    

On Chad's turn he played the exact same card, annihilating the rest of Andrew's garrison.  As you might be able to tell, Andrew was now drawing more aggro then Courtney Love at a Foo Fighters concert. 

Andrew dwoned his sorrows by staging a vicious assault on peaceful Garbozia.  After missing with an orbital bombardment, he set one Mech Unit and three Ground Forces to the task of subjugation.  They scored one hit but my settlers managed to strike back.  In the second round, Andrew's Mechs quickly mopped things up by scoring two solid hits after my defenders whiffed.

I played the Production Strategy Card and started slappin' shit together quicker then a Taiwanese assembly line worker.  By the time I ran out of shekels I'd constructed a Carrier, four Fighters, and four Ground Forces.  Dean quickly joined the riveting party and knocked out a Dreadnought, a Cruiser and a Mech.

He followed this up by playing Bureaucracy, which gave him a free Command Counter.  Unfortunately he wasn't able to claim any of the newly-revealed Objectives.  The rest of us balked at the idea of paying a Strategy Allocation Token at the risk of drawing a giant steaming pile of nothingburgers.

Next up, Chad played Diplomacy, forcing all of us to place Command Counters in Nebula V, instantly wiping it off the invasion radar.  Andrew was the only one to pay the Command Counter / Influence price to invoke the card's secondary ability and lay claim to a nearby planet.     

Andrew then pulled a Tactical Action and moved his ships out of the Supernova system, 'cuz apparently he can do that and I can't.  Fucking horseshit.  Andrew then proceeded to probe the bejesus out of a nearby Domain Counter but chose not to encounter it.

Risking blow back, I sent my last Cruiser into a hex of empty space between Dean's territory and my own.  When the Domain Counter turned up a free derelict Cruiser, Andrew took the opportunity to sow the seeds of discord.  

"Dude, that could have been yours!" he said, trying to bait Dean into attacking me.  "You need to get that shit back!"     

Cowed by the still-pitiable state of my fleet, Dean mercifully stayed his hand against me, choosing instead to spend a Movement Action to redistribute his Flagship and two Fighters.   

Chad's combat fleet (consisting of a Dreadnought, two Carriers and two Fighters) ventured into the Thibah system.  During the initial landing, his Mech unit missed and Andrew, gleefully representing the defenders, scored two big hits!  During the second round of combat they exchanged one hit apiece, but for Chad, it wasn't enough to eliminate the opposition.  Once again, the rag-tag remains of his landing force had to retreat back to the drop ship to lick their wounds.

Sensing blood, Andrew continued to put pressure on me by moving his Flagship and Dreadnought into empty space, just one hex away from my home world.

Fearing that Dean's fleet manoeuvres were a prelude for attack, I put my two Cruisers at the vanguard on "High Alert".  

Thankfully my paranoia was unfounded.  Dean played the Leadership Strategy Card, claiming three Command Counters.  Unable to resist the promise of additional CC's, all three of us paid through the nose to acquire two apiece. 

Andrew keen insights began to tell him that some of us might possibly be gunning for him.  As a result, he took a Production Action and hastily assembled a SnapTite® Dreadnought and a Destroyer.

Tapped out like a Texan oil well, I was forced to Pass.

Dean crossed into the last unexplored region of empty space with a Cruiser where he discovered an entrance to Wormhole "B".  Since the planet on the other side (Maluce?) had no Resources it ended up going unclaimed.

Chad played the Assembly Strategy Card and snapped up one Political and two Action Cards.  He then forced me to play one of my Political Cards.  Since he'd already encroached on my space and attacked me without warning, I had absolutely no problem jumping on the "Kick Andrew In The Cubes" bandwagon.  I merrily played "Forbidden Research", preventing him from gaining any Technology this round.  Needless to say, there are a few "poopidy-doo's" and "fiddle-dee-dees".

Andrew responded with the most vicious and heinous revenge: Trade.  And by vicious and heinous I mean generous and kind since I immediately snagged three Trade Goods out of the deal.  Piling on, Chad dropped "Ruinous Tariffs" on Andrew and confiscated half of his Trade Goods!  Andrew completed his turn by producing a loaded revolver, spinning the barrel and singing random lyrics from "The Man Comes Around".

Oh, and he also hired a Merc.

Dean took a Transfer Action and then moved a Dreadnought into the Arcturas sector.  Clearly he was massing for some sort of large-scale fleet operation and you didn't have to be Inspector friggin' Poirot to see that he had designs on Mecatol Rex.

Thanks to my timely card play, Andrew's Technology Strategy Card was a bust.  He looked on helplessly as Dean went shopping for Stasis Chambers and Chad used his alien technology to pick up the highly-coveted Advanced Fighters.  This last purchase was particularly noteworthy since all of Chad's ships instantly went from being sub-light T.I.E. fighters to hyperdrive-equipped X-Wings capable of deadly hit and run missions!     

With that everyone passed and went on to the next round!   

  

ROUND FIVE

Strategy Card Selection

Chad...Leadership & Diplomacy

Andrew...Production & Assembly

Me...Technology & Warfare

Dean...Bureaucracy & Trade

I played the Warfare Strategy Card to put my fleet, now ensconced around my home system, on "High Alert".  Why?  I dunno...

Chad played the Leadership Strategy Card to acquire three precious Command Counters and then paid the Secondary Action's two-for-one cost to snag an additional deuce.  All three of us got in on that hawt auxiliary action by dropping two Production Points apiece.

Andrew played the Assembly Strategy Card and forced Chad to reveal a Political Card.  He put some sort of DEADLY SPACE-SADDAM EVIL LETHAL GAS ATTACK (D.S.S.E.L.G.A.) up for a vote, which he intended to play on Dean's ships in the nebula.  Although we really didn't harbor any ill-will towards Dean, we were all pretty curious to see what would happen when Dean's ships got sprayed with a D.S.S.E.L.G.A.  So naturally it got passed with flying colors just so we could all gawk like yokels at  the resulting slow-motion train wreck. 

We weren't disappointed: the D.S.S.E.L.G.A. wiped out Dean's Carrier, two Fighters and his Spy.

 "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!"

Just as Dean started bellyachin' about this tragic loss I took the opportunity to remind him that it could have been worse.  Like a one-way ticket on "Dave's Exploding Solar Caravan of Doom", for example.   

Undeterred, Dean forged ahead with his planned invasion of Mecatol Rex.  With Chad rolling dice for the defenders, both combatants missed with their initial Fighter attacks.  Dean's capitol ships fared much better, scoring three smacks in total thus wiping out the native air support.  He then plopped two Mech Units and two Ground Forces on the planet's surface.  Chad scored one hit for the Mecatol Rex Ground Forces but Dean was quick to retaliate with three successful attacks.  With that, he was able to claim the great hub of the galaxy!

Even though Andrew was essentially being curb-stomped into a foetal position by everyone around him, I was still concerned that he would blindly lash out at me like a rabid, starving wolverine caught in a bear trap and backed into a corner.  As such, I played "Armistice" on Tar'Mann to prevent him from exploiting the now-defenseless planet.

As if he didn't already have more cool gadgets then friggin' Batman, Chad played the "Alien Tech" Action Card and walked away with some Anti-Mass Deflectors.

Sensing that he was on the verge of being Order 66'ed, Andrew claimed the planet Ashroth in the sideboard galaxy, scoring four free Trade Goods in the process.

Dean endeavoured to recoup his losses with a Production Action.  He used a valuable new racial tech card to double the value of his Trade Goods and then used the profits to build three new PDS units for Vehor and Usis.  He also went after planet Bereg, landing four Ground Forces there.  Andrew telegraphed rolling for the natives, but Dean's aim was true and he successfully captured the planet!

Chad used the now-fashionable Transfer Action to shuffle his ships between Mirage and the Sakulag/Lazar system.

Since all the "cool" kids seemed to be doing it, Andrew exercised the same option to put two Carriers, two Cruisers and three Fighters into Sem-Lore.  Despite being assailed from all directions, it still looked as if he might strike out like some sort of Space Cobra.  But at who?  Say what you want about the dude, but he's certainly no fan of turtling.  

Dean played the Bureaucracy Strategy Card, picking up a bonus Command Counter.  He also flopped an Objective Card which doles out a Veep if you control eleven planets outside your home system.  Yeah, even after five turns into the game we were all still light years away from that particular bench mark.

I played the Technology Strategy Card and brought out "Emerging Economy" which would allow me to launch ships into systems adjacent to my Space Docks.  Andrew, making up for the prior turn's setback, purchased "Stasis Capsules".  Dean becomes the second proud kid on the block to collect his very own War Sun.

Plans still percolating in his noggin, Chad forced himself to abstain from buying any new Tech.  He did, however, play the Diplomacy Strategy Card to bring the planet Nercalor (?) under his sphere of influence.    

Still dreading the very-real possibility of becoming Ned Beatty in an intergalactic re-creation of Deliverance, Andrew used the Production Strategy Card to cobble together some big defensive fatties: a Destroyer, a War Sun and a Dreadnought.  I assembled a Cruiser and a Mech while Dean requisitioned a Dreadnought and a PDS unit.  

Dean played the Action Card "Advanced Re-Enforcements", shoring up his hold on Mecatol Rex with two bonus Ground Forces.

Now completely bereft of fundage, I was forced to pass.

Anticipating a potential dust-up with either Andrew or Dean, Chad dispatched two Dreadnoughts, one Cruiser and one Destroyer towards Capha.

Andrew got his newly-minted enforcers out on point by moving his War Sun, Destroyer and Dreadnought from Muat to Garbozia.

Dean initiated the Trade Strategy Card and also hired his own pet Merc.  Whereas my opponents only scored two or three Trade Goods, I picked up four thanks to my recently acquired "Micro Technology" card.

Then, from out of nowhere, Chad sent a single long-distance Fighter on a perilous journey through two hexes of empty space to blockade his only Space Dock!  Whatta twist!  Needless to say, Andrew was suitably unimpressed.

After everyone passed and the round ended we tallied up the new Veeps! 

I finally scored a Victory Point for successfully invading a planet and Chad earned points for cock-blocking Andrew's production on Muat! 

ROUND SIX

Strategy Card Selection

Andrew...Leadership & Warfare

Me...Production & Assembly

Dean...Technology & Diplomacy

Chad...Bureaucracy & Trade

With my fleet somewhat revitalized, I finally felt confident enough to send three fully-loaded Carriers and a Cruiser out to oppose Andrew's renewed incursion.

As if softening Mecatol Rex up for a future landing, Andrew dropped a "Plague" Action card on Dean's garrison there, killing four Ground Forces!

Dean used the Diplomacy Strategy card and paid Influence to sway the planet Oucen'n into his empire.  Andrew also scrounged up three Influence to tempt Industrex into his corner.

Chad procured three Goods from the Trade Strategy Card and hired his own galactic gopher.

I then totally ("Totally!") spazzed out on the Production Strategy Card, exploiting the Matriarch's capability to increase my Fleet Supply to eight (!).  This allowed me to push out three Dreadnoughts (!), two Ground Troops and a Space Dock.       

"Oh, I see what's happening here!" Dean shouted after I placed my Space Dock two hexes away from his turf.  "You're comin' after me!"  

"Are you fucking nuts?" I replied.  "I've got Andrew breathing down my neck and absolutely no ships in that area to attack you with!  I'm only placing it there 'cuz my 'Emerging Economy' card lets me place units adjacent to Space Docks and since I never got a chance to expand everything's adjacent to me right now!"

Fortunately this masterwork of Orwellian double-speak seem to confuse Dean slightly more then it confused me.  Unfortunately, it still didn't prevent Dean from building some insurance in the form of a War Sun.  Meanwhile, Chad quietly nudged his Flagship and two Fighter squadrons out into space while Andrew supervised two Mechs coming off of his assembly line.

Andrew played the Leadership Strategy Card to rake in three well-needed Command Counters.  Dean nearly broke the bank paying for three, while Chad and I translated two Production Points into one apiece.

Via a Tactical Action, Dean bolstered his defense by moving his War Sun, Carrier and Two Cruisers out to the front line.

Chad diverted his fleet to Tibah to have yet another bash as subjugating that hornet's nest of a planet.  After scoring two quick hits, Chad finally experienced the thrill of a cleanly successful ground campaign!

Next up I used the Assembly Strategy Card to take a Political Card, two Action cards and the Speaker Token.  I then obliged Dean to play "Colonial Redistribution" which would have forced Chad to destroy all of his Ground Forces on a single planet.  Naturally this resulted in Chad pulling some quick-draw veto action!

Meanwhile, in the sideboard galaxy, Andrew took a peek at the Domain Counter on Sauder and then promptly replaced it, all the while maintaining an impeccable poker-face.   

Dean played the Technology Strategy Card, picking up the fancy-sounding Magen Defense Grid for free.  I finally broke into the red Tech tree by constructing Hylar Assault Lasers.  Both Chad and Andrew invested in XRD Transporters.

Chad picked up two mid-round Victory Points by playing Bureaucracy and claiming the "five Tech advances of the same color" objective.  Jerk.

Then, as much as it pained me to do so, I had to pass.

Settling into his new home, Andrew constructed a Space Dock in Ashtroh.

Dean passed.

Unexpectedly, Chad lashed out at Dean in the Centauri sector with four Dreadnoughts!  In response, Dean played "Rule By Terror" which inflicted two casualties on Chad's attacking force courtesy of his War Sun!  As a result, Chad was forced to tuck his tail behind his legs and slink back to the homestead.

With last-ditch battles breaking out, Andrew fortified himself by playing the "High Alert" token from the Warfare Strategy Card.  His main armada, on point close to Mecatol Rex, was instantly made battle-ready!

Clearly chasing the Victory Point dragon, Chad's task force (consisting of a Cruiser, Dreadnought, Merc and Carrier) attacked Andrew's fleet in Sem-Lor (with two Carriers, two Cruisers and three Fighters). What followed was perhaps the most humorously inept single round of combat in the history of Twilight Imperium.  Or modern Italian military history for that matter.

In fact, the only ships that managed to hit were Chad's Dreadnought and Andrew's Carrier (which performed a successful "last gasp attack" after being felled by Chad's "Experimental Weaponry"). Andrew's wise original impulse to get the fuck outta Dodge was hampered by his compete and total lack of Strategy Allocation tokens.

The second round proved to be considerably more lethal, with Chad scoring four hits to Andrew's two.   In the third round, Chad's Merc earned his keep by delivering the final blow.

Although I'm tempted to indulge Andrew after he plaintively asks me "Sooooo, we're losing.  We may as well fight, right?" ultimately I deny him the satisfaction of a time-consuming scrap by using my racial ability to retreat from the Urta and Bereg system.  Secretly, I'm hoping for another full round so we can all get our collective mitts on Chad's throat.

Chad then played an Action card, allowing him to take control of the Wormhole Hex with a single Cruiser.  This one action alone reduced his Victory Point requirement to only nine points putting him even closer to victory!

In response, Andrew played a card called "Flank Speed" increasing the range of his ships by one.   Chad nullified this with a card that required the sacrifice of his Spy to cancel an Action Card.  Then, out of nowhere, Andrew pulled a second "Flank Speed" card out of his anus and then calmly proceeded to follow through on his original plan!

He sent his War Sun and Dreadnought into the contested Wormhole Hex and obliterated Chad's Cruiser, thus denying him the one Victory Point reprieve and extending the game!

Or not.

With this last action, the round came to an end.  I claimed two more Victory Points for building five Yellow Tech advances.  Dean followed suit for his five Red Techs.  Chad claimed a single Victory Point for destroying three ships in a space battle.

But with that we'd run out of time.  Again.  It was already very late, it was a school night and it would likely take another hour or two to complete another full round.

So, with that, we decided to pack it in and call it a game.  Given Chad's runaway lead, we concluded that he'd probably claim his tenth Victory Point before any one of us could possibly catch up to him.

FINAL VICTORY POINT TALLY

CHAD...NINE POINTS

DAVE & DEAN...TIED WITH FIVE POINTS

ANDREW...THREE POINTS

So, with that, Chad was unanimously declared the winner of our first complete game of Twilight Imperium.*
     

* WITH A HUGE FUCKING ASTERISK

"Twilight Imperium": The Galaxy Strikes Back

Two weeks ago we were supposed to continue our epic Twilight Imperium game but Dean had to cancel.  Something about "chaperoning a vendor while he fixes a refrigerated centrifuge".   *Pfffftttt!*  Whatever!  That's, like...the oldest excuse in the book.

Despite only getting three hours of sleep the night before and slogging through an eleven hour work day, Dean forged on like a trooper and had us over this Wednesday past to continue our epic galactic struggle.  Fortified by our stellar company, Dean actually acquitted himself quite nicely for someone who was vaguely delirious.

Part One right here, BTW.

    Players & Their Races

Me...Naalu Collective (Blue)

Andrew...Embers of Muaat (Orange)

Dean...Mentak Coalition (Purple)

Chad...L1Z1X Mindnet (Yellow)

ROUND THREE

Strategy Card Selection

Chad...Technology & Bureaucracy

Andrew...Leadership & Assembly

Me...Production & Trade

Dean...Diplomacy & Warfare (OoooOooo...ironic!)

The "pricky"ability of the Naalu allowed me to act first.  I played the Production Strategy Card and hastily riveted my flagship, the Matriarch together.  I also blew a Trade Good to create a Production Facility on one of my planets.  Dean built as well but Andrew and Chad had to pass.  

Andrew played the Leadership Strategy Card, collecting three new Command Counters.  He also bought three more via the card's secondary action.  Chad and I followed suit, four Production Points worth of planets to purchase two Command Counters apiece. 

Dean attacked one of Chad's well-guarded systems with a single cruiser, obviously motivated by some sort of secret agenda.  Chad countered with "Skilled Retreat" allowing him to cleanly extricate himself  from the besieged system.  Not only did this foil Dean's plan but it also set Chad up nicely for his plan to swarm the system with a massive invasion fleet.  Betraying his exhaustion, Dean later realized that he'd missed a prime opportunity to use his PDS units against Chad.    

Chad then played the Technology Strategy Card to acquire a mind-blowing racial technology called "Inherited Systems", allowing him to purchase new upgrades regardless of prerequisites!  Although it does jack up his costs quite a bit, the general consensus around the table was that the other racial improvements looked like a fucking abacus in comparison.  Andrew purchased "Nova Seed", a seemingly inexplicable move at the time.  I employed "Corporate Sponsorship" to shamelessly plaster my "Stasis Capsules" with pictures of the Quaker Oats guy.  

I then threw down the Trade Strategy Card and picked up three Trade Goods.  Dean and Chad knit their own Trade Agreements back together after their little tête-à-tête.  

Andrew then proceeded to attack Chad's lone Destroyer which he discovered on a prior turn.  His Anti-Fighter Barrage failed to be very barrage-y and Andrew's interceptors quickly made short work of Chad's solo ship.

Dean took the opportunity to shuffle his fleet around.  Chad tried to assemble an invasion fleet but realized that he needed to recruit more ground forces.  After what felts like and endless spate of logistical wrangling, I finally sent my fleet through the wormhole into the sideboard galaxy.  After activating the system I moved my armada in to encounter this:

That's right, folks.  The unexplored area of space that I'd just moved a third of my fleet into suddenly went Supernova.  In the blink of an eye two Carriers, six Fighters, six Ground Forces and my General were all erased from existence.  Instantly, Andrew became the only player to have access to the ripe-for-the-plucking sideboard galaxy.  Three of us exchanged knowing looks, confident that Andrew was about to go crazy Broadway style in his own personal sector of the universe. 

In his mindless pursuit of Victory Points, Andrew attacked my fleet in empty space from the Urta/Bereg system with a Carrier, four Fighters, and a fucking Warsun!  Hideously outgunned, I took a cue from the Desert Fox and used my racial ability to retreat from the space battle and pull back to a neighboring sector.

"But I just wanted to destroy one of your ships!" Andrew protested, acting as if I'd just done something unreasonably inconvenient.  He also promised to withdraw his fleet from the contested region on his next turn, giving me a chance to showcase my world-famous "skeptical face".       

Dean used the Diplomacy Strategy Card to lay claim to a nearby planet.  Tapped out, the rest of us just couldn't abide the steep cost of the card's secondary ability.  

Chad's armada finally managed to coalesce, challenging Dean's lone occupying ship in the Capha system.  Dean missed with his initial pot shot but hit with one of his Cruisers!  Chad fired back with his two Dreadnoughts each scoring a hit and eliminating the opposition.  Andrew, representing the planetary defenders, drew blood which Chad sustained on a Mech unit.  That same Mech successfully counter-attacked but Chad's Ground Force whiffed, despite having a +1 bonus.  A few more rounds of spitball fire occurred before Chad delivered the coup de grâce with a Mech unit!  With that, the long-contested planet was finally his!  

With the shadow of Andrew's invading fleet on my front step,  I used a Command Counter to perform a two-pronged counter-attack.  My final assault fleet consisted of my Flagship, two Carriers, a Destroyer, three Fighters and my Merc-For-Hire.  After passing up the opportunity to play any pre-battle "Space Rape Cards", I drew first blood with my Destroyer's Anti-Fighter Barrage and Andrew was similarly fortunate.  His Destroyer also hit in regular combat.  My Flagship then blasted away, landing two solid smacks!  

Andrew responded with a solitary strike from his Carriers, but I quickly countered with two successful attacks of my own!  Armed with a +2 bonus, my Fighters outperformed Andrew's counterparts with a two-to-one hit ratio.  Finally Andrew's intimidating Warsun underwhelmed with only one hit, leaving  well-compensated Merc to deliver the death-blow.  All told, thanks to my lucky rolling, I managed to inflict seven casualties to Andrew's five, successfully wiping out the incursion.  Of course, it came at a high cost: a crippled Flagship, annihilated Carriers and the loss of most of my Fighters.

Desperate to rebuild, Andrew hastily cobbled together a Carrier and two Fighters on his turn.

Dean dropped the Warfare Strategy Card and pondered the pros and cons of attacking me.  After equating this to "kicking a legless puppy", I managed to persuade him to use his "High Alert" status to do some strategic redeployment instead.  No one else could take advantage of the card's secondary ability, so on we go.

Chad played the Bureaucracy Strategy Card, receiving a Command Counter, one of the two new Objectives, one Political Card and one Action Card.  The rest of us were forced to pass on the expensive secondary action.

Without an available Command Counter to spend, I had to pass, wasting an opportunity to re-build.   Grrrrrrr!            

Andrew played the Assemble Strategy Card, nabbing one Political and two Action Cards.  All the while he continued to rail against my unmitigated gall for defending myself, claiming that his attack on me was nothing short of "harminous".  Notwithstanding the fact that he mispronounced "harmonious" I was quick to point out that root of his fictitious word was "harm".  

"I was just trying to bring some light to your dark part of the galaxy with my Warsun!" Andrew proffered. 

"Yeah, well, if by that you meant to give me a 'Golden Shower', then yes, I believe you," I spat back.  

Andrew signaled the end to the debate by playing the Political Card "Holders of Mecatol Rex", which turned out to be moot since Mecatol Rex had no holders.  He then gave the Speaker Token to Dean who proceeded to construct a Spacedock with the Political Strategy Card's secondary ability.  

After we all passed, Andrew claimed a blood-covered Victory Point for the Pearl Harbor job he did on me ("Destroy an enemy ship adjacent to it's home system").  Dean scored a Veep for attacking Chad, an opponent he had a Trade Agreement with.  The Chadinator managed to construct his fifth Dreadnought so he also clocked a Victory Point.  With my plans dashed to ruins by an ill-timed stellar explosion all I could do was look on enviously.

Just before we picked our Action Cards, Chad played "Master of Fate", distributing them as he saw fit.  Dean and I used the Refresh ability inherent to our specialized systems and gained two free Trade Goods.  

       

ROUND FOUR

Strategy Card Selection

Dean...Leadership & Assembly

Chad...Diplomacy & Bureaucracy

Andrew...Production & Warfare

Me...Technology & Trade

I used my racial ability to gain the initiative and play the Technology Strategy Card, scoring "Sarween Tools" for free.  Dean brought out his racial tech "Mirror Computing".  Although it was clearly killing him, Andrew forced himself to pass on the option.

Dean dropped the Leadership Strategy Card, claiming three shiny new Command Counters in the process.  Andrew and Chad chose to opt out of the secondary action but I couldn't resist purchasing two more Counters to bolster my Fleet Supply up to four.  

Chad immediately went after the first of three planets hoping to score another Victory Point.  Of course, since it's Chad, the Lesab system turned out to be booby-trapped with "Automated Defenses" causing him to lose one ship and one Ground Force.  Despite the casualties, he still managed to stake his claim on the planet. 

Completely unopposed, Andrew ventured through the Wormhole, ended up on the Gravity Rift tile.  He immediately landed on the planet Cormund and his ambition was rewarded with two free Trade Goods.  

I blew a Command Counter to start cranking ships out like fortune cookies.  In order to construct three Carriers and four Fighters, I was forced to tap nine Production Points from my systems.  Meanwhile, Dean quietly assembled yet another Spacedock.

Next, Chad jumped on his second planet like Rosie O'Donnell on a macaroon.  Finally, he came away with a positive result, discovering an Abandoned Ship Factory which earned him two free Resource Points worth of ships.

Andrew used the Warfare Strategy Card to shuffle his ships around but no one else opted for the card's supplemental action.

I moved into the Tar'Mann system and experienced a Peaceful Annexation (which, in my imagination, immediately translates into gaggle of hot n' loose alien chicks).

Dean snapped up Gral and Centari.  Snagging his own Peaceful Annexation, his captains apparently got lei'd just as soon as they climbed out of their ships.         

Inspired by our good fortune, Chad went for a three-peat but encountered a horde of homicidal savages that made the Dothraki look like bunch of Mormans.  Andrew hit for the defenders, forcing Chad to retreat.  Again.  

Unable to afford his Flagship, Andrew had to be content with building a Carrier, a PDS and a slew of Ground Forces.  Chad then spent five Resources for three ships but Dean and I, being completely tapped, had to take a painful pass.  

In tabling the Trade Strategy Card I immediately made with the exchange of Generic Commercial Units (of Commerce).  

Dean played the Political Strategy Token and gave me the Speaker Token after told him that such a donation would be considered tax deductible.  We all voted against Dean's Political Card which had the negligible impact of limiting production to only one of our Spacedocks for the remainder of the turn.  

Chad picked up a Command Counter via Bureaucracy.  He also flopped an Objective Card giving a Victory Point to anyone brave enough to tap ten Influence or ten Resources.  Interpreting this as end game move,  no one seemed crazy enough to go an entire round without doing anything.  Except maybe me.        

Andrew used the Warfare Strategy Card to evoke a "High Alert" and swarm Garboza.  He also landed on Sem-Lor and encountered a bunch of Lazak Survivors.

As the turn came back to me I found myself spent, like a man forced to use his genitals like a pendant.  I had to pass and Dean found himself in the same space boat.  

Chad asked the age-old question: "Which planet can I claim that won't kick the shit out of me?"  True to his luck, he encountered a Single Fighter defender but managed to overcome it and claim Ragnaron, right next door to Mecatol Rex!

Speaking softly and carrying a club curiously shaped like two fully-loaded Carriers, Andrew attempted to invade Garbozia.  After running into some "Settlers" he rolled low, forcing his Ground Troops to go back up to the ship.  I was then given an opportunity to place two of my very own Ground Forces down for free in defense of the planet.  Unwilling to pass up a chance to be a pain in Andrew's rectal cavity I quickly jumped on this.  

In a smooth move, Chad played the Diplomacy Strategy Card to claim the same planet that had irradiated Dean had run afoul of earlier.  Way back in Round Two, Dean had landed on the planet, flipped the counter, watched in horror as his troops got microwaved and then apparently blocked this horrible memory out of his mind and never back.  Yeah, did I mention that our illustrious host was working on only three hours of sleep?    

It was then Andrew's turn to reveal his own brilliant scheme, planting a "Nova Seed" in the Cormund System.  Although it cost him a Ground Force in the process, he also succeeded in collapsing the Wormhole, effectively sealing himself up in a galactic playground loaded with a shit-ton of resources.  This immediately prompted Chad to utter the deathless line:

"We either have to get Andrew now or collectively take it in the ass later."

I passed, Dean passed and Chad passed leaving Andrew one final build action to construct a Dreadnought and two PDS units which he used to re-enforce Lor and his home world.  In a final act of defiance, Andrew then proceeded to pull out his Flagship.  And, no, that's not code for something.  

At the conclusion of Round Four, Dean made a fateful proposal:

"So, guys, whattaya say we all gang up on Andrew?"

Chad claimed a Victory Point for finally completing the hard-fought "capture three planets in one round" objective and I finally managed to get on the board for constructing my third Yellow technology.  So, at the end of our second session here are the the Victory Point standings:

Chad...Four Victory Points

Dean...Three Victory Points 

    Andrew...Two Victory Point

Me...One Victory Point  ("Yay!")

     

Stay tuned for session three...coming soon!  

            

               

"Twilight Imperium": The Saga Begins

Sooooo, last Wednesday night we finally got our collective shit together and kicked off a sure-to-be- epic run of Twilight Imperium.  Since we've failed miserably on several occasions to complete a full game of this in one sitting, we all collectively agreed to dedicate every weekly game session in the foreseeable future to completing this beautiful beast.

If you consider yourself to be a veteran of the Ameritrash wars but find yourself asking "What the fuck is Twilight Imperium?" then I'm afraid you're gonna hafta turn in your credibility badge, lower your head in shame, climb into your Wienermobile and just drive away.  Like Warhammer 40K, Blood Bowl, Dungeons & Dragons or Magic The Gathering, Twilight Imperium isn't so much a board game as it a way of life.

The game has appeared in three previous iterations since 1997.  Over the past fifteen years, designer Christian T. Petersen has keep a close eye on board game evolution, often incorporating mechanics from unlikely sources in order to streamline play in his own game (the Strategy Cards, for example, were cribbed directly from the Euro-classic Puerto Rico).  The third edition, published seven years ago by Fantasy Flight, represents a high water mark for this epic game of space exploration and galactic empire building.

Players chose from one of many distinct alien races.  Each race strikes out from their home world with a variable starting array of technology, ships, special abilities and resources.  Via an expanded fleet, players attempt to subjugate neutral and enemy-controlled planets in order to expand their influence and acquire more economic clout.  Negotiation, political wrangling, alliances, scientific research and fortuitous combat all serve to aid the wily player in their campaign for victory.

Players & Their Races

Me...Naalu Collective (Blue)

Andrew...Embers of Muaat (Orange)

Dean...Mentak Coalition (Purple)

Chad...L1Z1X Mindnet (Yellow)

In order to increase our odds of actually finishing the game this time out, we decided to implement the first round "speed up"rules.  Each of us placed an ownership token on two adjacent systems.  I revealed my intentions for neighboring Wellon, Bellatrix and the space station Tsion.  Andrew staked his claim on Lor, Arnor and Sem-Lore.  Dean stuck his flag-pole (?) in Mehar Xull, Usis and Velnor.  Chad set his ambitious sights on Capha, Lazar and Sakulag.

In an unrelated question, does anybody out there know if Chris Peterson has a speech impediment?

ROUND ONE

Strategy Card Selection

Dean...Technology & Bureaucracy

Andrew...Production & Warfare

Chad...Leadership & Diplomacy

Me...Trade & Assembly

Rarely can a player claim that they fucked something up even before they've had a chance to make a single move, but I earn this dubious honor by ignoring the Naalu's special ability which automatically gives me the initiative.  As such, Chad's Leadership Strategy Card rewards him with the first turn.  He cleverly adds three new Command Counters to his available pool during a time in which no-one can afford to follow suit.

Still oblivious to my special ability, I use my Political Strategy Card to claim the Speaker Token.  After  drawing a Political Card and two Action Cards, I force Chad to play one of his Political Cards.  He opts to tag Andrew with an "Official Sanction", preventing him from invading any planets on this pivotal first turn.  Andrew is understandably perturbed by this unexpected turn of events.

Prevented from crushing any star systems underneath his booted heel, Andrew is forced to settle for producing a shit-ton of new ships with the Production Strategy Card.  The primary action of the role coupled with his Sarween Tools gives him three additional resources with which to build.  Everyone jumps on board with the secondary action.  I build a few new Carriers and Chad uses his racial ability to crank out Dreadnoughts like Bob Ross landscapes.

Dean throws down the highly-prized Technology Strategy Card to earn himself some Automated Turrets.  The rest of us are too broke to pay the secondary action's steep activation cost.

Chad moves his ample fleet into a system ripe for invasion and makes the first planetary landing of the game.  Unfortunately, he apparently lands on the home world of the Reavers who proceed to murder and then sodomize his ground forces, in precisely that same order.

In stark contrast, the indigenous people of Wellon invite my ground forces down for tea and then politely give me the inside scoop on a neighboring planet which is inhabited by Lazax Survivors.  I fail to read the full write-up on these dudes, which proves to be my second consecutive cock-up in a game that's still only in its infancy.

Still muzzled, Andrew's uses the Warfare Strategy Card to go into High Alert and do a bit of strategic redeployment.

Dean lands on another planet and the locals greet him with sucker-covered open arms.

Still smarting from his "Bay of Pigs (In Space!)" invasion Chad goes after a different planet but once again his troops get massacred by pissed-off locals.  Feeling that he's been karma bitch-slapped enough for neutering Andrew, he gambles on a third landing and this time he's finally rewarded with a peaceful annexation.

I land on (Lestrange) Bellatrix and encounter the Lazax Survivors that I'd peeped out on my previous action.  Although this gives me three extra votes in a future election, I quickly realize that I hosed myself on the deal.  If I'd actually bothered to read the full description of these guys I would have taken an extra turn to probe the planet first with a scout ship.  If I'd done that, I would have earned a Victory Point and three free Action Cards instead.  I silently declare myself to be officially barefoot in the head.

With bugger all else to do, Andrew keeps shifting his fleet around with High Alert.  He moves into the Bereg and Urta IV system, which I instantly interpret as an act of aggression since since his fleet is now only two hexes away from my home world.  

Dean successfully navigates past the automated defenses of another neutral planet and re-programs the defense grid to serve as his very own PDS (Pickle Dijon Sandwich, BTW).  His second landing reveals native spies who spill the beans on another nearby system that's ripe for the plucking.

Chad tries to use the his Diplomacy Strategy Card to claim the planet that went all Red Dawn on his ass but he's forced to pick another target after we remind him that it isn't "empty".  Once again, no-one else can afford to take advantage of this Strategy's secondary action.  Translation: we are teh suck.

I activate my Trade Strategy Card, setting up a two-for-two trade agreement with Andrew and a one-for-one arrangement with Dean.  Chad and Andrew and Chad and Dean also do one for one trades.  After stockpiling three new trade goods I finally notice the initiative-winning ways of my patron race.

Andrew exploits a loophole and ventures out into deep space where he finds some free alien tech just kinda bobbing around out there.

Using the Bureaucracy Strategy Card, Dean scores a Command Counter, draws two cards from the Objective Deck, plays the optimal choice and immediately scores a Victory Point for conquering three planets in one turn.  Unable to afford the high secondary cost, his opponents immediately express Herculean levels of disgust and accuse him of overt dickery.

Taking a cue from Andrew, Chad explores deep space and also hits the jackpot, scoring a free derelict cruiser.

Not one to pass up a free lunch, I investigate an area of empty space and come across an abandoned transport loaded with two free trade goods.  Apparently in Twilight Imperium, the entire universe is like one big swap meet.  I'm waiting for Dean to turn up a full collection  of commemorative BK Empire Strikes Back drinking glasses.

Salivating at the thoughts of being let off his leash on the next turn, Andrew redeploys his entire fleet in order to set himself up for a slew of invasions.  He has the demeanor of a fat kid being held back from free sample day at the Eggo factory.

Everyone passes, ending the round.

ROUND TWO

Strategy Card Selection

Me...Technology & Trade
Dean...Leadership & Bureaucracy
Chad...Assembly & Production

Andrew...Warfare & Diplomacy

I double dip with the Technology Strategy Card, coming away with a Gravity Drive (allowing my ships to successfully navigate a Rift) and Cybernetics (which instantly transforms all of my fighter pilots into Kara Thrace).  Chad becomes the proud owner of some Automated Defense Turrets.

Dean uses his Leadership Strategy Card to replenish his Command Counters.  I take the table scraps offered by the secondary action and purchase two of them at rip-off rates.

Still exploiting the High Alert status provided by the Warfare Strategy Card, Andrew completes his fleet manoeuvres and prepares to let slip the pit bulls of war.

Chad triggers the Assembly Strategy option.  After nabbing one Political and two (potentially) sweet Action Cards, Chad has his revenge by forcing me to play one of my own Political Cards.  I consider the comedic value inherent in placing a Victory Point bounty on the head of one of my opponents but opt to give my own ground troops a much-deserved upgrade instead.

I test my new shock troops by landing on the planet Tempestra.  The natives proceed to thank me for this kind subjugation by giving me some free technology.  Dean ensures that I receive the totally useless Transfabrication:  Twilight Imperium's equivalent of a screen door on a submarine.

Dean lands two of his ground forces on another planetary prize but it turns out to be a deadly, radiation-soaked hell-hole.  Too bad he didn't dress his landing party in haz-mat suits before they beamed down, huh?  Man, if this was the Federation, someone's ass woulda been fired.

Andrew finally experiences the sweet, sweet endorphin rush that only comes with planetary invasion by conquering Urta.

Still content with being the galaxy's equivalent of Sanford and Son, Chad uses a Ghost Ship Action Card to retrieve an abandoned Destroyer.  He also reveals that he now needs one less Victory Point to win the game as long as he controls the nebula-cloaked planet of Evehra. 

Yeah, who wants to lay a bet that this is gonna prove to be a giant pain in our collective asses towards the end of the game?

 I open up the floodgates of commerce by playing the Trade Strategy Card, scoring three trade goods in the process.

By tabling the Bureaucracy Strategy Card, Dean effectively puts the plot of The Phantom Menace into play via the "Blockade a Space Dock" Objective.  He also scores a Command Counter and clocks another Veep for battling ground forces on a successful invasion.

Andrew successfully gambles on a planetary invasion.  The locals rat out the aliens living next door (whom we can only assume they despise with the fire a million War Suns).  He gets two resources worth of free ships for the landing which quickly follows.

Chad gets an awesome deal on dreadnoughts and cruisers and mechs ("Oh my!") after tabling the Production Strategy Card.  I jump in on this hot welding action and construct another Carrier while Dean smashes a bottle of champagne on the hull of his brand, spankin' new flagship.

I invade Vefut II and my gracious new hosts pay tribute to my awesomeness by giving me four free trade goods!  

Andrew tries to pull a fast one and cobble together his own flagship, until we point out that he only has enough money to build the landing gear.  He builds a slew of regular ships as a consolation prize, which seems to make him feel better.

Unable to seek vengeance against the Reavers just yet, Chad is forced to goes after a softer target.  Although he gets his nose bloodied a bit by the Andrew-controlled locals, he still manages to pull out the victory.  Only now does he realize that his orbiting Dreadnoughts could have given his ground forces a +1 attack bonus all this time!  Suddenly I'm happy not to be the only oblivious rube sitting at the table...

Realizing that I'm swiftly running out of low-hanging fruit, I upgrade two of my planets with production facilities.

After Dean, Chad and I pass, Andrew polishes off the second round with his Diplomacy Strategy Card.  He scores some bonus Command Counters and then performs a "Peaceful" Annexation on a nearby planet.  Everyone else is completely tapped out and can't take advantage of the secondary action, so we just make ourselves content with wishing Andrew ill-fortune in all of his future in-game endeavors.

At the end of the second round, Chad claims a Victory Point for his grand planetary battle and Andrew scores a point for taking over three planets in one round.

So, at the end of our first session the Victory Point totals are:

Chad & Dean...Two Victory Points apiece

    Andrew...One Victory Point

Me...zippo, ziltch, nil, nada, bupkis, zero

     
Stay tuned for session two...coming soon!